my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
