I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
