I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
