I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
