proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
