PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
