Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
