Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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