I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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