I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
