I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
be right there i have to get my cape
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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