they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
