I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I love you. Go after that dick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
