Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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