I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
