The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
tell me about the eggs
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize