u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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