i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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