The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
