Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
