hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
