coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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