so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
