ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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