just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
