So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
