spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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