She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
