you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
