Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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