i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found puke in my bra..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
