i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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