he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
