I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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