yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
