guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
