The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
