I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
