Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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