Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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