Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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