my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
