According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
