My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
