How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
