i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
