It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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