be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
