Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
