I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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