I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
