I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
