I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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