I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
