My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Found your dick twin last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize