i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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