there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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