just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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