I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
