Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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