worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
