don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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