Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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