i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
