So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
