"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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