3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
