I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
