Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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