Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
