my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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