I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
