Im at strip club and am horny
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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