I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
