Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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