I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
