He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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