Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
