Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
