Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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