I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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