can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
