I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Randomize
