I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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